It's been a week

It's been a week but seems like a month. G was scared and guilty. I was a mess of emotions and rage. G asked me yesterday if I wanted him to leave for a little while because he can't stand seeing me like this and that might help me. I realized that we weren't solving anything. It was time to take the emotions out of the issue and talk about what's going on.

It may seem crazy and ignorant to some but I love my husband beyond words, I always thought he was perfect. When his perfection shattered it left me broken. Let me say he's human and he makes mistakes, when I say perfect I mean perfect in his regard for our kids and our marriage.

We talked a great deal yesterday, something we haven't done in a very long time due to work schedules and the kids. We've grown apart and that made G vulnerable to another woman for friendship and campainionship. I don't have a problem with G having female friends~I have a problem with it when he lies and sneaks around with those friends that he hides from me.

He swears it never went any further than conversation and I only have two choices. Believe him or Divorce him. It's just that simple. He's never given me any reason in the past to suspect he's been unfaithful so I have to choose to believe him.

When I look at my own erratic behavior over this last week I am ashamed. I've always been one walking tall ass kicking bitch but this, this brought me to my knees and left me shaking and afraid. I lied to my husband about my work schedule, attempted to get my hands on those text messages (I have friends in some very high places) and I could have gotten them, considered putting a tracking spy on G's cell phone. I turned into a stalker. This is not me. Never is this me. But all I could think about is this is not happening to me, I won't be a fool. Instead I was crazy and ignorant. I guess that's what happens when you stop thinking and just let your emotions take over.

We sat down and discussed it. I can either make the choice to allow G to earn my trust again or I can drive him away with this crazy stalker lady. G wants my trust and promises never to abuse it again and I want my relationship back. G was very clear in that he misses his wife. He works nights, I work days and then there's the kids. I'm quiting my job and he's going to try to get off of the night shift. It's time to put our marriage first. Our foundation is rock solid but the top soil is badly damaged so we've got to work on it and at it.

G has ended his friendship with Tammy and if Tammy tried to continue it I will handle that. Touch what is mine I will brake your God Damn hands. I couldn't do that before because it seemed G was offering what was mine to this woman but now that is all changed. There is no offer so I will handle my business. That's what makes me one walking tall ass kicking Bitch and that's the Bitch my husband adores.

So from now on, unless something else comes to light, my husbands mistress is no longer in our world. She may have thought she would steal what is mine but now she knows better and so do I.